Never in my life, have I thought about I often I’m able to hold it together all day at work, yet fall apart the moment I get home — to Mark. It is something about his presence and ora that makes me feel comfortable letting out everything, saying how I really feel, and being extremely vulnerable with him.
Wives and moms (yes, even step-moms) often carry the weight of so many things. Some days, it takes all of my energy just to hold it together when Tyce shares certain things with me. I take deep breaths of air and whisper prayers to get through the day. Regardless of what happens during the day, I can’t fall apart yet.
I have to wait. I hold it all in. The tears prick behind my eyes, and I use my last shreds of energy to hold them in check. And then, blessedly, when I make it home to Mark or he when walks through the door; I can finally fall apart.
Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I’m angry. Sometimes I just need wine, Jack Daniels or chocolate and for someone to tell me I’m pretty. Sometimes I check out, mentally and physically, but mostly, I bitch about how tired and stressed I am. My problems are big — and I hate feeling like an endless pit of despair.
However, Mark understood it last night, all I needed from him was for him to wrap me up in his arms and hold me until I fell asleep. No, it doesn’t make whatever issue I have at the moment, go away. It does make me feel safe. Like none of that matters. All that matter is his love for me.
His love is my safe place. It is where I feel I can take on any problem or obstacle that may come….I’m so blessed, to have someone who is so thoughtful and caring….that will take the time out of his busy day to make sure I’m okay….in every way; and will do what he can to fix any problem….even if fixing it, is just laying in bed with me, and holding me while we watch Christmas movies!!!!