Close your eyes…..think back to the moment you first met your partner. Think back to how you felt when you mustard up the nerve to ask them for their phone number. That feeling you had in the pit of your stomach as you waited for their reply. Or excitement you had in your heart, when they finally asked you for your number. Now think back to how you felt when y’all parted ways…. think back to how you slept knowing you were going to see them the next day.
I’ve never shared with you how I met Mark. We were at a wedding…..and as I was waiting in the church for the ceremony to began….he came walking down the aisle rolling out some carpet….I don’t remember the color….but I do remember the color of his shirt. It was a blue shirt with white swirls…. (I would go into the closet and take a picture of, but honestly that doing a little too much…lol). Now anyone who knows me personally, knows, that I have never really been attracted to black guys…but it was just something about him. When I laid eyes on him….my heart actually felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. When he smiled, oh my GOD!!!! He took my breathe away. After the wedding, we all headed down to the reception and after party. During which, I got to find out that he was single…..and that he had a son. My cousin (who was the Bride) kind of introduced us…. and we talked, then we all took a shot of gin…..and he and I had the chance to talk, just us. During that time I got to know a lot about him, and he got to know a lot about me. Then that awkward moment came…..he asked me for my number…..I gave it to him. We made plans to meet the next day, for our first date…my cousin and her new husband went with us, and we did a haunted house. It was the best first date I had ever had. If he hadn’t already, he stole my heart that night, when we were at the lake, sitting in the truck, talking. I never thought it would be possible for someone to take my breathe away just by the touch of their hand, the feel of their lip, or the taste of their tongue. But it was possible…..the question: is it still possible?
Okay, what am I getting at??
With the endless stress of daily responsibilities and getting the kids from one place to another, it can be tough to keep those same loving feelings that you felt when you said “I do.” It’s normal and natural for every couple to leave the honeymoon phase behind at some point in their relationship. After all, can you imagine being that head-over-heels in love all the time? However, relationship longevity doesn’t mean you have to grow apart; you just have to find new ways of growing together.
But while you can’t exactly take an impromptu vacation or spend hours in bed like you did as newlyweds, there are some fun (and exciting!) ways to rekindle your relationship. Challenge yourself to fall back in love with your partner, with these helpful tips!
Fall in Love…With Yourself
It may sound counterintuitive, but one of the best ways to increase the passion within your relationship may be to find new ways to develop yourself outside of it. You can’t feel love for someone else if you’re feeling crappy about your own life. Make a list of personal goals. Arrange a dinner date with a friend. Take a yoga class. Taking care of yourself will replenish you, making you more receptive to love in your life.
Shake Up Your Sex Schedule
“We all know that waiting until the end of the night to have sex often means you fall asleep before you get to it. Try alternative times to have sex—your lunch hour, on a Saturday afternoon when the house is empty or by slipping into his morning shower 🙂 . If evenings are truly the only available time, make it a priority—get into bed earlier, forego the flannel PJs and make an event out of it. #YourWelcome
Nope, he doesn’t bring home flowers like your best friend’s guy. Nor will he ever write you a love letter. But there are a bazillion ways that he’s loving in his own way. When you find yourself feeling letdown by the things that he doesn’t do, make a mental list of what he does. You’re more likely to fall back in love with your husband if you’re not trying to turn a cat into a dog.
Give Him a Squeeze
Pop quiz: Have you touched your husband today? If the only physical contact that you have with the person to whom you’re married on a typical day is a quick peck on the cheek before work or bed—it’s time to get your act together. That doesn’t have to mean upping your game to wild bedroom acrobatics, though, try simply hugging for thirty seconds. Hugging has been proven to boost levels of Oxycontin, a hormone that increases feelings of bonding, particularly in women.
Take the One-a-Day Challenge
The habit of criticism is hazardous to any relationship, and no one can happily survive in a marriage if they feel more judged than admired. Limit yourself to one criticism a day, figuring out which one matters most is a good exercise. Practice saying that criticism in three sentences or less. Do this over time and you’ll see each other in a more positive light and likely rediscover why you fell in love in the first place.
Hang Out with His Friends
Yes, really. Seeing him through his buddies’ eyes can reveal endearing facets of his personality that you might not have seen in a while, or maybe ever—how he can tell a joke that brings down the whole room, how kind he is when he’s having a conversation with someone he’s just the met, or the way that he (surprise!) brags about you. By seeing him with his friend, you will feel…apart of his world.
Fake it ‘Till You Make It
Yes, after your long day of hurtling work obstacles and wrangling kids, acting sweet and loving might sound as appealing as a jury duty summons, but when you let yourself off the hook every night, your relationship suffers. Don’t wait until the spirit genuinely moves you to warm your partner’s heart. Just like we can act courageously when we’re afraid, we can act lovingly and focus on the positive when we’re feeling…well, not quite that way. Today, act like you’re madly in love: hug him, kiss him, call him just to say hello, send a loving text. You might be surprised how his response reverses your mood.
Be Realistic About Relationship Highs and Lows
Stop worrying that “the feeling is gone” and remember that even the best marriages get stuck sometimes, and if you’re focused on what’s wrong instead of bringing your best self to your marriage, that’s a good recipe for failure. Lose the “woe is me” and make a list of the things you can do to make yourself happier right now—and do some of them! The best way to love your partner is to work on yourself.
Spy on Him
Spend five minutes simply observing him when he doesn’t know you’re watching and mentally check off ten things you love about him. This will remind you of all the little things that made you fall in love with him when you were first getting to know him.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Literally! There’s a reason why the old sentiment is such a classic. Spending time apart gives you a chance to reflect on your relationship, gets you out of your routine and, most obviously (and perhaps most significantly!), gives you an opportunity to miss each other! A little bit of time spent apart will make a big difference in how you reconnect afterwards.
Don’t (Mis)read His Mind
Sometimes, our biggest problems with our partners stem from the stories we invent in our heads. Instead of stomping around angry because you assume that he never wants to go out or that he doesn’t appreciate the things you do around the house—ask him how he actually feels. An easy cure for your resentment is to stop assuming the worst, and the only way to feel better is to actually talk it out. That is something I have to work on.
Mirror What’s Missing
So he’s never romantic. He doesn’t say thank you. He isn’t affectionate. But are you? Examine your biggest gripes about your guy and turn the spotlight on yourself: When’s the last time you really kissed him? How long has it been since you called him at work just to say hello? When you want more connection, suggest an activity. Instead of communicating about communication, talking about how you don’t talk, just try talking. Be proactive and you might find that the easiest route to getting what you want is to simply make it happen.
I am in no way…..trying to act like I don’t have it all perfectly down. Because I don’t. Mark and I work at our relationship every day. If not, it is extremely easy to become bored, and that is when the other starts to seek comfort from someone else……yes, if your partner cheats….it’s partially your fault!