Stress: The Silent Marriage Killer

It’s become such a rarity nowadays to find someone to fall in love with and stay in love with. People seem to forget how beautiful it is to grow old with someone, to build and witness someone’s progression and to conquer obstacles as a team instead of facing them alone. I guess it’s safe to say there’s not enough thrill in it for them. There’s no thrill in comfort-ability and knowing someone like the back of your hand. I guess that’s why you can call me an old soul. I don’t need to go out all the time and switch people up every other week to fulfill my boredom with temporary happiness. I always wanted something real, someone so genuine that they’re worth lasting a lifetime with. Someone who’s willing to invest the time and effort that’s needed to win instead of forfeiting when “there’s no coming back.” I understand it’s nearly impossible nowadays to count on someone with all your heart and soul. It’s more dangerous, if than anything, I guess that’s why you can count me as one of the rare ones. I’m not just in it for a reason, season, or lifetime… I’m in it for all three.

       With that being said…..if there are many married couples who feel that way about their spouses, then why is the divorce rate so freaking high?

The stats on divorce in America is only half of marriages last 10-15 years. I don’t know about you, but that is just unacceptable to me. I want to honor my vows, when I say “until death do us part.” So I began doing some research, I wanted to know, what is the real reason so many couples get divorced. My answer was right in my face. It was something that was going on in my own relationship: Stress.

Even the happiest of couples go through some sort of stress in their every day lives. Whether it’s work place pressure, past relationships, financial worries, the list goes on and on…However, if such couples are so happy, they wouldn’t let those outside pressures invalid their sacred union. Honestly, it’s not because they don’t love one another. It’s because, they are physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually stressed. Anything you say to your spouse will always lead to a fight, disagreement, or the feeling of growing distant from one another.

Those situations often leads to at least one of the spouses seeking comfort in the arms of someone else. Here’s why:

  1. They look for love and affection elsewhere:
    • When you are fighting with your spouse, you can come off cold or uncaring. The love and affection that they seek from their spouse is no longer available to them. So as a result, the person at their job (just an example) who has kind words to give them and who provides a listening ear; starts providing them with the love and affection, that they can’t get at home.
  2. Sexual desire:
    • For some people, sex is an outlet. It’s a way to release any built up frustrations. However, when many couples fight and argue, one spouse (usually the wife) with holds physical intimacy from their partner. They view this as a way of punishing their partner. However, all you are doing, is pushing them into the arms of another.
  3. Feeling Underappreciated:
    • When there is a constant fighting, bickering, and nagging; It’s common to began to feel underappreciated. It can seem as if, the things you do or have done, have gone unnoticed. And that can make you, just give up trying to do things to please them.
  4. Time Apart:
    • The fighting can make your spouse, want to spend more time away from home, and YOU. Their work environment, and or social clubs can give them plenty of time to seek and find comfort in someone else.

If you are going through this with your spouse, all is not lost. There are many ways to help save your marriage and keep the stress from your home. However, I am going to share with you guys Mark and I (new) favorite way to de-stress our relationship.
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Massage has been a life saver for our relationship!

We have a lot of things outside of our relationship that (if we choose to) can cause us to be stressed out, and take it out on one another.

We have started that, when Mark gets home from work, I give him a full body massage. We try not to talk about anything that can be a trigger for frustration (we save that for later, when we both are very relaxed).

No before you guys, ask why he doesn’t give me a massage….He doesn’t need too. Let me explain why.
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One because………

I LOVE putting my hands on him. Rubbing my hands all over his body. Doing so, not only relaxes him but it relaxes me. To know that I can make him feel good, calm him and de-stress him from just the touch of my hands, makes me feel like I’m a capable wife. Like I have the unmistakable ability of taken care of my husband.

Just 60 minutes everyday has been a huge life saver. It’s like for that one hour, Mark and I take a vacation from the world. It’s like its just him and I. It makes us bond in a way that is on a spiritually connection. And that connection, makes our physical/intimate connection so damn, strong…..intense…. earth shaking.  Mark has become my calm in the center of all the chaos. And isn’t that the whole reason you find someone and get married to them? Because they are the one person in the whole world, who can make you zen out and forget all shit life throws at you….

Marriage, when done right (and for all the right reasons) can be a huge source of joy and happiness. As long as you are married to someone who, wants to be with you and can see all the effort you are putting in, to make your marriage work.

Stress is something, that is never going to go away…..the key to saving your marriage is learning how to deal with it. However, just not dealing with it, alone. Let your spouse be your main support system…. Make them your rock. Let them know, that you value them, and wouldn’t want to go through life without them…Focus on what you love about them, and make sure you tell them several times how much you love them. When you feel that a fight is coming on. give them a kiss. A sexy hot ass passionate kiss. Don’t hold back, remember this is the person you are spending your life with….there is nothing to be embarrassed about. So let it flow….and whatever happens after that kiss…..well…..You’re Welcome!

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