Avoiding Divorce

Don’t think, just answer: Would you die for your spouse? Many women (including myself) would automatically answer yes, of course……That seems to be a very common thing, we tell the ones we love we would die for you; and we literally mean we will give up our lives to save our spouse. But perhaps the more important questions is: Will you live for your spouse? Living with and for someone is made up of a million little gestures made every day, and whether or not you choose to live for your spouse can make or break your marriage….

Now, let me make this perfectly clear, I am in no way preaching. Because what I’m about to share with you, is also things I need to work on. And I think that we can turn this post into a positive place to help keep our marriages together.

Let’s face it, even the best marriage can use some new ideas.

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Understand that our marriage/ relationship will evolve with time. It will never look the same as it did when you first met, 10 years ago, or even today. And that’s OK. So many couples get tripped up on trying to return to some artificial ideal they remember in their mind’s eye — and don’t forget, hindsight is 20/20. Believe that you can get through anything together even if it’s nothing like you’ve seen yet.” —Jennelle Yopchick, Ph.D., psychologist and relationship adviser.

 

 

 

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People tend to get a bit haughty claiming their partner should love them ‘no matter what’ as a way to justify acting careless. Look, I get we shouldn’t have to run to the bathroom and fancy up every morning so our partner doesn’t see us with bed head. But that must be balanced with caring enough to want your partner to see you often at your best, and for you to want them to feel their best around you. Sometimes, it would be nice if you doted on your partner like you did when you first met. Let them know you still find them attractive, sexy, and they just turn you on. This doesn’t have to be done through words, it can just be by your actions.

 

image 3This is one that I have to work at every single day. I’m not good with sharing my thoughts and feelings, it scares me, because I don’t want to upset him, or how I think things may go, scares the crap out of me. The longer we let an issue goes on, the harder it will be for us to resolve because it has likely compounded over time. Problems that start out small, like one partner feeling vaguely discontent, can escalate into major issues like infidelity if they’re allowed to go on. The discomfort of a serious discussion now can save all the heartbreak later. I want my marriage to Mark to be open and honest. I want to be able to share any and everything with him. However, my anxiety gets in the way, sometimes. However, I will make it my goal, to get to the point where I can share everything with him. Unfortunately many couples stop communicating and start making assumptions about what their partner is thinking or feeling and act based on these assumptions. Problem: The assumptions are often wrong. Asking each other questions, both probing and clarifying, helps to demonstrate to your partner that you’re still interested in who they are and what they think.

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Take a careful look at your marriage and decide what areas are particularly weak and may be open to trouble and then take steps to fix them. Set boundaries inside and around your marriage to protect those vulnerable spots. Because every marriage has weak spots, and I’ll admit, I’m insecure (yeah from my past relationship) but it’s mainly from my childhood, as a kid, I was made to feel as if, I wasn’t good enough to be loved. And now, I still have those same feelings from time to time, That I’m not good enough for Mark or that I don’t deserve his love.

 

 

image 5Keeping intimacy alive in a relationship is an extremely important aspect of a healthy marriage. Too often partners stop seeing each other and unfortunately they become more like ships passing in the night, ships that occasionally collide in the bedroom. This is not the makings of a healthy intimate relationship (because, this leaves room for someone else to come in and make your spouse feel they are missing something in their marriage). There is a level of intimacy that is only possible to share between partners and it should be cherished and nurtured. To do this, remember the first time you looked into each other’s eyes,  kissed for the first time,  or even the first time you made love to one another, this all leads to building intimacy and a strong bond, between you two, which will inevitably leads to the bedroom.

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Recognize what you appreciate about your partner and keep it at the front of your mind. For every negative characteristic you notice, be sure to balance it out by reminding yourself of 3 positive personality attributes. It’s easy to hone in on people’s faults but we often forgo the truth of their loving nature when we do that. Let’s do this together, for one thing negative we say to our spouses, we need to tell them three things positive. Lets try this out for a week and see how it work out.

 

 

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People often assume that if you love someone that’s enough. But love isn’t static, it’s active. Love is being present, mindful, in the moment, and courteous when you’re with your partner. So many people stray onto another path because of the attention another offered them. To be validated is one of the deepest desires as a human being. Think of it like this. My dog, kermit, doesn’t understand the word “love” however, he understands the action of love. So for the next week, let’s show our spouses we love them, by our actions.

 

 

 

Focusing, on the love we feel for our spouses, we help us get through any and every problem we will face in marriage. We have a lot of things to try out in our marriages this week, and I cant wait to hear from you guys how the week turned out for you 

2 thoughts on “Avoiding Divorce

Add yours

  1. Telisa you out did yourself on this blog. I love all the tips you gave on this. I have been married for 15 years, and I shared this with my husband and he and I have agreed to try out your suggestions for a week, I am excited because after being married for a long period of time, marriage can become stale. I think this would be a refresher for us, thanks telisa

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